The last two days have found me stuck with the cold. I was so ready to hit the gym with renewed intensity this week, when I felt the first inklings of a sore throat creeping up on me Monday morning. Initially, my first reaction was, "What a bummer way to start the week!"
However, I've found the silver lining! Being sick has provided many great opportunities. Here are some of the opportunities I've had that I wouldn't otherwise have enjoyed if I hadn't have been SICK:

1) the opportunity to ask for help.
-I can't make life pause while I'm sick. I still have deadlines and responsibilities that have to be met. However, there's been help for me. I've seen some of the things I had to do this week get done (even better, I'd like to think) than if I had done them myself!
I also called my Grandma up asking for her notoriously awful "Tomato Tornado" recipe that requires nearly an iron stomach to handle! The next morning, sore throat was gone, leaving me with only the cold to tackle next. (I'll put the Tomato Tornado recipe at the bottom).

2) the opportunity to have the classic "sick day"
-If I'm gonna be sick, heck, why not go all out? Today I decided to really embrace my sickly condition and indulge in my romanticized profile of the classic sick person: chicken noodle soup, hot tea, socks, netflix, naps, reading and podcasts. At this rate, it's really not that bad!

3) opportunity to learn- input determines output.
-I realized that for my generation, many of us haven't realized that truly input determines output. I think that because of machines and technology things require less work to get quick results, so we find ourselves living lives of minimal effort. We don't need to plow a field to create a crop that will eventually put food on our plates, we can just go through a drive through to grab a quick lunch. To make a call, we don't have to stop by a phone booth and use an address book, we can just voice dial on our iPhones.
How does this apply to me being sick? I see myself as having 3 categories: spiritual, mental, physical. If one of these areas goes down, it effects me drastically. How do these areas go down? When I've neglected to invest (input) in them at all, or when I've put "junk" in them. This week, I've been physically down. It's effected me a lot. But I've traced it back to input. I see how my diet directly effects my health, so now I have the opportunity to tweak things a bit to better steward this body God's given me.
This see this concept apply to the other two areas as well. Spiritually, the time I spend with God effects the quality and depth of relationship I have with him. Mentally, the thoughts that go in determine the actions that go out. Gossip, negative self-talk, or discouraging thinking are all "junk" thinking that brings your mental health down. I'm learning to intentionally input times spent with God and the word to strengthen me spiritually, to input times to "renew" my mind with good content to strengthen me mentally, and to put balanced food into my body to strengthen me spiritually. This way I can love the Lord with "all my heart, soul, strength and mind." :)

Tomato Tornado
Fresh or stewed tomatoes
Cloves of garlic (as much as you can handle)
Cayanne pepper (as much as you can handle)

Blend and drink.

      "What things are first?
      It is impossible in this context not to inquire what your own civilization has been putting first for the last 30 years. And the answer is plain. It has been putting itself first. To preserve civilization has been the great aim; the collapse of civilization, the great bugbear. Peace, a high standard of life, hygiene, transport, science and amusement--all these, which are what we usually mean by civilization, have been our ends. It will be relied that our concern for civilization is very natural and very necessary at a time when civilization is so imperilled...perhaps it can't be preserved in that way. Perhaps civilization will never be safe until we care for something else more than we care for it.
      Was civilization ever seriously endangered until civilization became the exclusive aim of human activity? There is much rash idealization of past ages about, and I do not wish to encourage more of it. Our ancestors were cruel, lecherous, greedy and stupid, like ourselves.
But while they cared for other things more than for civilization--and they cared at different times about all sorts of things, for the will of God, for glory, for personal honor, for doctrinal purity, for justice--was civilization often in serious danger of disappearing?
At least the suggestion is worth a thought. To be sure, if it were true that civilization will never be safe till it is put second, that immediately raises the question, second to what?
      What is the first thing?
      The only reply I can offer here is that if we do not know, then first, the only truly practical, thing is to set about finding out."

"First and Second Things" C.S. Lewis

This is an excerpt from what I was reading this morning. Turning around and asking myself, "What do I prioritize?" My priorities show what I value.
When have I compromised to maintain the peace in the group, when have I put entertainment above the will of God or even simply above personal honor & growth? Hmm...I'm excited to adjust a few of my priorities!

How come the natural reaction when two humans really love each other, is to give a kiss? 
I was contemplating this thought last night. And then I thought about the concept of a kiss in a new way I'd never thought about before. 
Here in Hawaii, there's a word, "honi". It means the sharing of a breath. In the old Hawaiian times, they would greet one another by pressing forehead to forehead, nose to nose, and exchange a breath. That's an original Hawaiian "kiss". Now, if you're greeting an Aunty or an Uncle, you'll give them a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek--it's a sign of affection.
Thinking about the honi, my mind drifted to imagining the creation scene, where God was sculpting Adam out of the sand. I pictured God kneeling over Adam and putting his face nose to nose and mouth to mouth with Adam's and sharing with mankind the first breath. I love picturing that scene.
Then, my mind started thinking about CPR. A year ago, a man got pulled out of the ocean on a stretcher, limp and white. I thought he was dead. However, I watched the emergency team revive the man using CPR. During those critical moments, the battle over whether the persons heart will start beating and lungs will start breathing, the goal of CPR is to get the person to respond and share a breath. Will he respond? 
The kiss. God started this expression of love! I think a kiss is a symbol of love that brings life. It's an ultimate expression of affection and a giving of life. God breathed into mankind, and then watched him respond in life and living color. God's love brings life. When I experience God's love towards me, it makes my heart come alive. It revives old dreams. It brings me back to what he originally made me to be.
Receiving this love and life requires me to come close to God; to empty myself and be filled with his love, and to let go of the life I hold onto so tightly, so that I can receive the breath of life he has for me.
This has been my walk this month. Thanks for reading my nighttime reflections.  
​-Han

"Hannah, can I help you?" 
Surrounded by poster paper, paint and ribbon, 5-year old Aubrey asked me this question. I was helping my friend, Summer, make DIY banners for an upcoming graduation. 
3-year old Aria saw the excitement and wandered over too, "Hannah, I help?" 
"No! You can't help me. You're going to distract me and make a mess," I thought in my head. But out loud I said the exact opposite, "Yes! You can help me make the banners!" I went to the office and handed them smaller pieces of printer paper, fancy edged kid scissors, and markers instead of paint. 
"Yayy!!" Aria and Aubrey were so stoked to be "helping" me. I went back to my real work, with occasional tips from Aubrey of how I should do this or that and how it would be soo cool. Then I started laughing!
How many times do I think I'm "helping" God? I'm not comparing myself to God by  any means! Because, unlike myself, God never gets mad or irritated at my childishness! I am such a child. I think my ideas are so great. I've been wondering lately how many of the prayers I pray are simply my opinions, ideas and desires of what God should do, rather than praying what's on his heart. How many times do I give God suggestions? A lot. 
Today I imagined how God must laugh too. He's getting the "real" work done, while I have fun with my kid's scissors, washable markers, and scotch tape! 

​

I haven't really shared much about my dad over social media. My fingers seemed to freeze every time I've tried to share on Facebook!
Eek! However,
My extended family's been going through a tough time loosing their mom in the last 2 weeks. Their ability to post about what they're going through openly, got me thinking about my own dad.
Before I share with you about my dad, Im gonna share a little bit about my faithful God.
If I talk about my dad, I always think about God too because of how God has taken my painful loss, and filled it with His presence. I feel like God immediately grabbed me up 6 years ago. I didn't recognize it at the time, but He started me on a journey of getting to know Him as my Father. I used to have big, fatherless space in my life. I really struggled with my identity. But know I know that I am a child of God! I don't have that emptiness anymore.
But still yet...
Sometimes I am scared that I didn't have enough time to really know my dad. My dads death meant the death of a relationship with him. Last summer, I broke down in tears at a gas station. I was sobbing because I realized the loss of not being able to continue growing in relationship of knowing who he was.
Since last summer, God heard my tears and has been showing me how I am like my dad. I've been shifting from mourning the loss of relationship, to celebrating the heritage I have been given. It's been comforting to realize that who my dad is lost because he's not here. God gave me unique identity through my father that I get to live out in my life and pass on.

On this day--the 6 year marker, I'd like to call a Dad Appreciation Day. Here's some of the values, passions, and gifts I got from my dad.

1) love for the Word
Before Holly & I could read, my dad came up with a clever way for us to memorize scripture. He took index cards & paired the bible verses with clip art pictures. Holly and I LOVED our memory verse book.

2) passion for missions
Dad didn't read is the typical bedtime story books as a kid. LOL. We read about Indians, miracle stories, and adventure books. One of our favorites was a series of "missionary books". They were stories about missionaries deep in the jungle around the world. I remember praying to God to please not let me be a missionary...especially in Africa, because I didn't want to live in a grass hit with snakes!
It really hit home for me, when I was sleeping in a bamboo hut and eating roast frog for breakfast, that I could write my own chapter in one of those missionary books! Thanks dad. (The frog tastes like chicken btw.)

3) half-full or half-empty motto
My dad liked to compare situations to a cup of water. Always at the times when I least wanted to hear it, dad would ask me if I was looking at the situation as half-empty, or half full.

4) win-win attitude in problem solving
You can't always make everyone happy, but you can have a win-win attitude. Dad was very proactive. He helped me find a solution where "I win & you win".

5) you got to try new things!!
The only thing I can remember that my dad didn't like was okra! It was an unspoken rule that we had to try something we didn't like at least 3 times. My dad was really motivating about trying new stuff. "What if you're missing out on something awesome, because you didn't try it?!"
In the kitchen he never used recipes! He would always be experimenting with new seasonings, and it was always killer.

6) hard work
Work first, play after. If we had chores he would set a timer, and it would turn into a competition of how much we could get done in an hour.
The job wasn't done until we were all done. And sometimes....go the "extra mile".


7) honor for elders
My dad genuinely loved old people. He befriended our 80-year old neighbors when we went Christmas caroling one year. Walter & Elsie's house was one of Holly & my favorite places to go when our parents were out.

8) inability to multi-task or ability to focus (depending on how you look at it)
My dad could not text and have a conversation at the same time. (But somehow he managed to talk on the phone, eat and drive at the same time...)

9) always pushing me to talk with people. Shyness not an option!
Dad taught me to look people in the eye and smile. He'd always challenge me to include the person on the sidelines and talk to the person who was shyer than me. He didn't let me stay shy. :)
The same policy for trying new food applied to making new friends...what if you miss out cause you never tried?

10) comfortability with being awkward
Dad would do funny awkward things and be ok with it. If it's not "cool", make it cool. Yep...

11) being in Gods presence in nature/time with God in the morning a priority
Every morning around 6, dad would jog down to the river to his "spot" to have time with God. If I woke up early enough, I could go with him. We would watch the sun rise, read the bible together, and jog back before breakfast.
If he didn't make it to his spot by the river, he had a chair in the house where he would always go in the morning to study & pray.

12) ability to relate to many people groups
My dad could literally talk to anyone! I watched him talk with people and saw that he could find a way to relate to people and enjoy the conversation.
Dad loved dogs, except for Shitzu-type breeds. (Cause they're eyes are goopy & fur get tangled he said). He had this weird Shitzu dog magnet on his dresser for years. One day I finally asked what it was about. He said he'd had it since he was in his 20s to remind him to love people who weren't easy to love....like loving a Shitzu dog!

13) Hospitality
My dad loved having people over to the house all the time. We'd get home from church and whip up a big meal for whoever was coming over. In the winter, we'd get all the sleds out and have a sledding party.
He was someone who knew how to connect groups of people together.

If you've read this post, and have a story you'd like to share with me, please message me, I'd love to hear. :)
-Han

Merry Christmas from the Philippines! 
This year we managed not to fire a misguided rocket onto the neighbors roof...again. A caroling band came over Christmas Eve--drums, guitars, everything! It was so much fun, we joined right dancing with them! I think we were probably their most enthusiastic audience last night. We have a small, Charlie Brown sized Christmas tree (it's really cute). Amanda went over the top this year creating our Christmas Eve dinner dining, it was beautiful.
The Naga Staff are so much fun. It feels less like being away from home and more like visiting extended family.
Next week we're going to run Camp Oasis together. It's going to be fun! We're expecting about 100 kids. 
For the rest of the day we're layin low. Tonight I have plans to surprise the team with some hot chocolate and maybe we'll watch a Christmas movie.
Merry Christmas....from the bottom of my heart! 
-Han

I read Psalm 139 a few weeks ago. Unlike all the other times I've read this scripture, this time I felt as if God was speaking every word off the page.
It was such an unraveling moment. I think the part of me that was being unraveled, was the sneaky lies that fall just a hair away from God's true nature and truth. Reading this scripture was a revelation moment for me of how what a real friend and Father God is to me.
I rewrote the passage in my own paraphrase. Not to add or take anything away from the scripture, but in order to let it really sink into my heart in the way that God was speaking.
So, here's the scripture. This truth is beautiful.
-Han
















// Oh Lord, You see me and You know me.
You know when I rest, and when I go.
You know what I am thinking before I know what I am thinking.
You have walked the path ahead of me before I have walked it.   
You are familiar with all my quirks, habits, personality and ways.
Even before I find the words to say, You know everything that’s on my mind.
When I look around me, You are the protective border encircling me.
You have my back and you go before me.
You are the first person my enemies have to face, and You are the last one they must account to.   
I’m covered by your hand. Your hand has always been upon me.
Lord, these thoughts are too big for me. My mind only begins to understand and comprehend the wholeness of You.
Does your Spirit have limits?
Is there anywhere I could go that Your presence would leave me?
In my happiest memories, You were there.
Throughout my most desperate moments, You were there.
In all my beginnings, You were there.
Through my most deep and isolated times, You were there.
You were there leading me, and You were holding me.
My deepest thoughts can’t separate You from me.
My farthest locations can’t separate You from me.
My biggest fears can’t separate You from me.
To You the darkness is not dark. Darkness is as light, and light is as darkness because You made them both. There is nothing in creation that you have not created.
Before I took my first breath of oxygen here on earth,
I took my first breath in your imagination.
You saw my unformed body in your mind’s eye before any human eye had seen me. You created an eternal soul and a human body, combining them by knitting me together in the secret place of my mother’s womb. My life took it’s first heartbeat in darkness and took it’s first breath in the light.
Your work is so beautiful and so wonderful, and my soul knows it.
How precious are Your thoughts to me. How captivating is Your love for me! How extravagant are Your plans for me. I run out of words when I try to describe them. If I was to count them, I would run out of numbers too.
I was never an accident. I was never an orphan. I was never alone. I was never lost.
I was planned by You and created by You. I have never been alone or lost because You have always been by me.
Every morning I wake up,
You are still there. You have always been there. You will always be there. //

    What I’m about to share is crazy. This story qualifies as a testimony. I know testimonies get put in the box of someone sharing their salvation story, and while those testimonies are powerful and so important, there are testimonies we experience every day. The word “testimony” according to Dictionary.com means: “evidence in support of a fact or statement; proof.” I believe the reason testimonies are powerful is because when we recognize and tell of what God’s done, it puts something in action spiritually.

So now for the testimony...
    This winter I was able to fly to Washington to spend Christmas vacation with my family. One evening after dinner, I was hanging out with my Aunt Tiffany around the fire. She began sharing about how she had been seeing God provide for her as she was being challenged in prayer (testimony!) She pulled out this book from her bag called “The Circle Maker.” I asked to borrow it, however she wouldn’t lend it to me because it was “too good!"
    I knew God wanted me to read this book, but I had a problem, I literally had no money to buy the book! lol I don’t want to sound like a poor popper, but after Christmas expenditures, I had no money to spare. So I told God, “If you want me to read this book, I need you to to provide it for me.” I felt a little daring making this request of God! Literally the next week, I received an iTunes gift card. I had the book downloaded on my  phone by the end of the day!
    Since then I’ve been reading this book. I’m a really slow book reader, I don’t have a need for speed when it comes to reading! When I read a book, I have an expectation that God is going to make what I’m reading become active in my life.
    I woke up this morning before my alarm clock. Feeling ahead of the game, I chose to go the “wake-up-slowly” route, which is scrolling through Facebook until I’m awake enough to think about getting out of bed. SInce “The Circle Maker”  is so conveniently downloaded on my phone, I made a quick switch from Facebook to iBooks and started in on Chapter 5.
I read this quote:

“Your job is not to crunch numbers and make sure the will of God adds up. After all, the will of God is not a zero sum game. When God enters the equation, His output always exceeds your input.” p. 136

Here’s why this statement hit home for me this morning.
    As of last week, we were informed that all our monthly housing fees will be going up, along with additional new fees. This nearly doubles the amount we as staff need to raise each month. Immediately I started crunching numbers! This is crazy. How is this going to be possible? For me, it’s really hard not to stress out over things like this, especially when it’s finances.
    It occurred to me, “Wait. I’m here and I haven’t missed a payment yet...God’s totally provided for me this far. Wow, that’s a huge thing to be thankful for right there!” I realized that if I worry about the future, then I will miss out on having the spirit of thankfulness and fully enjoying the blessings I have right now.
     Then, I received a challenge from God this morning: count my blessings. The challenge was to begin listing every gift I’ve received throughout this year. Not actual money gifts, but gifts in the form of objects. Whether they were things I received for free that provided for a need, just for fun, or an answer to prayer, they got added to the list. This list includes anything from clothing to a hydroflask, new things, and things that I received used. It don’t matter, I’m writing it all down!
Here’s the crazy part guys!
When I added everything up, it amounted to over $4,000! CRAZY.
    So, why am I so easily stressed out worrying about the future? This list is proof that God over and abundantly provides for my needs and wants. I’m stoked. If God can do this, what else can he do? I want to find out. I think this list is enough proof for me to trust God even more.
    My application was to list everything I’ve received as a gift from God and others. This was my act of refocusing from my needs to God’s provision. It ended up being super faith-strengthening.
 Maybe this will be your application too, or maybe you’ll feel impressed to do something else. Whatever the case is, seriously, take some of this for yourself. I pray that this would build momentum and begin multiplying not only in my own life, but in seeing it happen in others lives as well.
    Alright, I hope you have a great Sunday. Oh, I almost forgot...Happy Father’s Day!